Anger Management Counselling in London
Counselling and Anger Management for Modern Life Stress
Do you find yourself in situations where your irritation and annoyance boil over into anger and fury? You may identify with strong feelings of anger or frustration, from explosions, feeling overwhelmed, or reacting to situations which can trigger your anger? You may also be in a relationship with someone who gets angry or find the anger of your children difficult to manage as they learn how to cope with strong feelings?
If you’ve ever experienced any of the following scenarios, then you might need help for managing anger Issues caused by the stress of modern life
- Find it hard to life your life without explosive moments of anger at work or home
- Seething after someone ‘jumped’ a queue in the supermarket / petrol station / café?
- Shocked by the vehemence or aggression you showed towards a total stranger or loved one?
- Outwardly smiling but inwardly raging in your relationship or at work?
- Seeing red and blowing your top at the slightest thing, then wondering why you got so angry or upset?
- Think of anger as a ‘bad’ emotion that is wrong, even though you feel it regularly?
- Often blaming of others and feeling out of control as to how to manage yourself
Counselling can help with how to manage and cope with anger in your life.
“It feels like I go from zero to 60 in a flash, then cruel things just explode out of my mouth and hurt the people around me”
What are the experiences associated with anger?
Anger is part of our human genetic inheritance and a useful way to trigger crucial information to our brain and body in order that we could find ways of managing stressful situations, kill food to eat and get away from danger. You may have heard of the ‘fight, flight, freeze or flee’ responses most animals, including humans, experience. Anger is a defence mechanism that gets triggered when we feel threatened or scared.
Anger is probably one of the most maligned emotions in our range of feelings and is often judged as being unacceptable in our society, although we all experience anger on a regular basis.
The beneficial effects of anger
At its most useful, anger is an emotion that gives us information about what we do and don’t want for ourselves. If we can get in touch with the information behind the anger we can learn to manage our boundaries, say no when we want to and pursue the things we want in life. Boundary making is an important aspect of managing our anger and listening to ourselves.
The negative effects of anger
At its worst, our anger can be uncontrollable, scary and destructive, we can also become immune to the destructive effect it can have on our friends, family and work. This may then cause others to ‘tread on eggshells’ around us or we may also find it hard to maintain relationships and jobs as we act out on our intense feelings.
The cost of your anger – symptoms and effects
We may have a range of experiences from our past which can include being disempowered, ignored, abused, racist abuse, class inequality and homophobic abuse to name a few. Our anger is often a blueprint of what we learned in our family of origin.
Whatever your situation and whereever it is that you find yourself flying off the handle or boiling and seething with rage, aggression and indignation, anger can cost you financially, emotionally and physically:
Emotional costs of anger can be:
- Feelings of shame stress and anxiety as a result of your angry response.
- Depression (anger turned inwards) as a result of the damage you have done to your life or those you love.
- Feeling isolated or left out as family, friends or work colleagues distance themselves from you because of your outbursts.
Physical costs of anger can be:
- High blood pressure caused by the chemical response within your body.
- Digestion issues related to your emotional response to the situation.
- Tiredness and exhaustion as a result of depression and insomnia that can result.
Financial costs of anger can be:
- Damage to property as you break things or smash things in your rage.
- Loss of income because of missing promotion or losing your job.
- Breakup of your marriage or relationship and the costs involved.
Overall the quality of your life is diminished when anger and aggression are out of control.
Anger Management and Stress
We often think of ‘anger’ as the emotion linked to situations that annoy us however it isn’t the only emotion that is involved. Often modern life causes us excessive levels of ‘stress & anxiety’:
- waiting in a queue when you know you are running late
- feeling confused about using modern devices & apps e.g. mobiles, sat navs, computers
- hearing or reading more gloomy or unsettling news on the tv or radio: Brexit, Trump
- worrying about the future and you family
- worrying about your own status and whether you are doing well enough
When our stress levels are too high our health suffers, we become anxious, our sleep patterns can become disrupted, our eating and digestion can suffer. When our health is affected by our levels of stress, we can become tired and feel more on edge our tempers can become frayed and this can lead to more angry outbursts and more aggressive responses.
Anger and stress are linked. Learning to manage your responses to things that trigger your stress is part of anger management counselling.
Anger Management and Fear
Just as stress is linked to our levels of anger and the speed and severity at which we react to things that are causing us annoyance, so fear is also partly responsible.
Anger is a natural response to feeling threatened or afraid. Feeling angry and responding with aggression is a natural instinct, if we think we are under threat.
However, when we misread situations or become overly sensitive to trivial or everyday events and our anger is triggered, when there is no real ‘threat’ then this is when you need to address an issue.
- feeling aggressive because you think someone has given you a ‘funny look’
- angry when someone doesn’t understand you immediately
- flying into a rage if someone disagrees with you
If we have become overly sensitised to every day situations then our response to fear or a threat can lead to us react more aggressively than we intended. If you have ever wondered why you suddenly ‘saw red’ and said such aggressive or hurtful things in the ‘heat of the moment’ then the anger management counselling can help you to ‘dial down’ your response and find a more assertive but less aggressive response that gets the result you would like.
Anger management counselling in London
Anger management counselling does not attempt to ‘get rid’ of your anger, but helps you put that anger back to good use by showing you how to find a ‘proportionate’ response to your triggers. I can also help you understand the triggers and become more aware of them, learn how to contain them and also begin to understand your anger as useful information as to how you want to respond to situations and yourself.
Learning how to deal with your behaviour and contact Abi to discuss anger management counselling.